


Only Fools Do What I Do

by rabbitxheart



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Accidental Marriage, First Kiss, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-06
Updated: 2019-01-06
Packaged: 2019-10-05 07:00:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17320190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rabbitxheart/pseuds/rabbitxheart
Summary: "We’re not that deep undercover, you don’t need to pretend in here.”“Pretend?” Caduceus says, eyebrows knit.“That Fjord and I are married,” Caleb clarifies just as the girls come walking in.“But you are,” Jester says.“No?”“But… you are.” She says, more resolutely.





	Only Fools Do What I Do

“I still cannot believe you found this,” Caleb hums, looking at the ring on his finger. “These are very rare, you know.”

“I can't imagine having to attune everything outside at night so maybe that's a good thing," Fjord shrugs, earning an amused huff from Caleb. "Does it feel alright, then?”

“Ja, I think I’m used to it now.”

“Good, ‘cause I think Yasha and Jester are up for their shift soon,” Fjord yawns. "Yeah, there they are. I think my ring's attuned, too. Let's get inside and get warm."

 

"Still up?" Caleb asks Caduceus as they step inside the small cabin, careful not to wake up Nott where she's sleeping curled up on an armchair in the corner of the room.

“There’s two bedrolls on the floor by the sofa, we left some bread and-” Caduceus cuts short, looking them up and down. “Tea.” He then grins, wide and so happy that Caleb looks over at Fjord in confusion. Big, soft arms pull them both in for a quick squeeze and Fjord just looks back helplessly, seemingly just as confused.

“This is so exciting!” Caduceus says, his very energy reminding Caleb of when Nila first saw him,  _ one of my people _ and tea and hugs. Which is why he’s not particularly surprised when Caduceus pulls out a bag, on the smaller side but clearly well-cared for. The kettle is already warm, steam lazily trailing from it and Caleb finds himself more tired than he expected. The fireplace is, to his surprise, only filled with rocks like the ones Caduceus uses to heat his teas. Fireless, yet warm. 

“Don’t you want some, too?” Fjord says as Caduceus hands them a cup each. New ones, Caleb notes, almost like little pots, complete with lids and saucers. 

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Caduceus says fondly, ushering them to sit down in front of the fire. Caduceus places a few spoons of herbs in the bottom of both cups, fragrant and glistening almost like they were dusted with glitter. “Here, use this. They will be hot so be careful,” he says, setting a footstool down in front of them like a small table.

Fjord sits down on the bedroll, using the sofa as a backrest as he stretches his legs out, the warmth of the fireplace  while Caduceus pours the water gently, less like he’s afraid of spilling it and more.. Formal, almost. Caleb remembers some of the students at the academy, their deliberate tea ceremonies offering a taste of home so far away from it, and he supposes maybe this is close, if not the same.

“Let this steep for a minute, then drink and rest, I’ll join Yasha and Jester on watch.” He stops, a big, gentle hand squeezing each of their shoulders. He almost trips over his feet on his way out of the cabin, yelping our a  _ sorry  _ before he shuts the door.

 

“Wow. I’ve never seen him that excited I think,” Fjord says, chuckling a little as he takes a sip. Something changes in his demeanour, looking at the cup like he can’t quite figure it out. “Huh.”

“Was?”

“Well, it’s...” He trails off.

“Is it bad? We better not tell Caduceus if it is.” 

“No, no. Just... reminded me of something,” Fjord mutters to himself, shaking his head to clear it. “It tastes great. It really does. I wonder what’s in it. You have any idea?”

Caleb closes his eyes and inhales.

It smells sweet, but there’s something crisper beyond that, and when he tastes it, he understands why. It reminds him of salted caramels almost, round sweetness and a zing to it that cuts through it, balances it out. 

The warmth lingers on his tastebuds and settles in his stomach, curling up like Frumpkin in front of a fire on a rainy day, and Caleb feels his shoulders relax, arm brushing up against Fjord’s he takes a deep breath, an odd sense of exhilaration sweeping through him. 

“I have no idea what is in this, but whatever it is, it is good.”

“I’ve never really had spiced teas even though I’ve been all over.”

“Spice?”

“Yeah. I mean, there’s definitely some kick to it.”

“Mine is sweet,” Caleb says, bewildered. Fjord holds out his to him and Caleb does the same, switching cups. A quick sip later and the confusion has yet to resolve itself. “This tastes the same.”

“And now this tastes like mine did. I’m guessing it’s magic?”

“Absolutely,” Caleb nods.

“Think he just drugged us?” Fjord says, more amused than worried, a smile playing at the corner of his mouth, and Caleb snorts.

“We have two clerics and tomorrow off, nothing something greasy cannot fix.” At this Fjord laughs proper, clinks the cup against Caleb’s in a small toast, then takes a long sip.

 

They were only supposed to go to the next village, a two hour long journey seeming so short after being on the road so long, yet long enough to be ambushed at the finish line.

“Should we set up camp outside of town?” Jester asks. “There are a  _ lot  _ of people here.”

“I’m too tired,” Caleb says, shaking his head. “I need a real roof over my head.”

“Yeah, that was intense,” Caduceus agrees. “Need any healing, mr Caleb?”

“Danke, mr Clay,” Caleb says with a small smile. “But I never got hit, just exhausted.”

“I could use a little,” Nott says, scooting closer.

“I’m good,” Fjord says, still out of breath. 

“I figured,” Caduceus says, then goes to work on Nott.

 

“That’s an inn,” Yasha says, nodding to their right.

A small dwarven lady comes out to them as they approach, wiping her hands on her apron as she does.

“Good evening! Anything I can help you with?”

“Ma’am,” Fjord says, putting on his best smile. “You wouldn’t happen to have any rooms for hire?”

“We’re full and we mainly rent the cabin to wedding parties and newlyweds, I’m afraid,” the old lady says, making an apologetic face. She points to a large cabin at the top of the overlook. "I could recommend good camping sites if you want?"

“They are newlyweds,” Yasha shrugs, and. Well. Nods to Fjord and Caleb.

“Just a few days ago,” Caduceus seconds. “I officiated.”

“We travel a lot as it is so a honeymoon wasn’t really in the cards. So we were thinking of finding a more high-end place to spend the weekend with our friends,” Fjord says, casually draping his arm over Caleb’s shoulder, and Caleb can’t help but sink into the heat of his side. “We don’t mind fixing it up a little ourselves, we’re willing to pay full price still.”

“Well, alright then,” she says, nodding. “I’ll take you up there. May I?” She looks at the carriage.

“Of course,” Caduceus says, helping her up while Beau and Yasha get back up on the horses.

 

The rent isn’t too bad considering the view, neither is the road up to it, and they’re pleasantly surprised with both a deck overlooking the town, three separate bedrooms and a kitchen big enough to fit Caduceus in without him hitting his head on anything. 

“There are fresh towels and linens in each of the rooms and hot spring baths in both bathrooms, the master bedroom one is a little bigger. We unfortunately don’t have food services when we’re so short on staff but there is a farmer’s market at the town square and the kitchen is all yours.”

“That’s quite alright,” Caduceus smiles. “I can absolutely do something with this.”

“Jester is rooming with me!” Nott exclaims, running ahead as Jester picks their things up, following her to the smaller of the rooms. 

“I think I’ll sleep on the sofa,” Yasha says, looking out over the deck. The mountain range is quite stunning this far up. “Yes, this will be perfect.” 

“Alright,” Caduceus says. “Beau?”

“Sounds good,” she says, making her way to the other guest bedroom.

 

“Those two are up to something and the others are in on it,” Caleb says with a frown, beginning to make his way to the remaining room, Fjord right behind him.

“I don’t know, it makes sense for us to have the honeymoon suite if the innkeeper comes knocking,” Fjord shrugs, closing the door a little behind him. The room is spacious, the bath already filling up and steaming hot, and the bed is bigger and nicer than most living quarters Fjord has ever had. “Nice with some peace and quiet for once.”

There’s a giggle and the sound of something falling over down the hall, a loud yelp and the low tones of Yasha’s voice, then a pause long enough for Fjord to almost go out there and look.

“ _We’re going shopping and leaving you two alone byeeee!_ ” Jester yells as Nott says something about returning the cart, tugging the rest of the rest of them out the door.

“I’ll go see if I can find some herbs down at the market,” Caduceus says. “I think we’ll be gone an hour or so.”

 

The door slams shut before either of them can react and Caleb turns to look at Fjord.

 

“You know what, I take that back. Something’s up,” Fjord says, throwing his gauntlets on the honeymoon suite bed like he’s about to challenge it to a duel.  

“I’m too tired for this,” Caleb shrugs off his coat. ”I need a bath and a nap.”

“Yeah. My muscles hurt like hell,” Fjord says, staring longingly at the steam.. “I can’t decide if I should take a bath or eat something first.”

“Let’s do both,” Caleb says. “You go get into the water, I will go get us some of the food and we’ll eat in the bath. I might even _sleep_ in the bath, come to think of it.”

“See,” Fjord says with a chuckle. “This is why you’re the brains and I’m the brawns.”

“You are a smart man, Fjord, don’t put yourself down,” Caleb says. “Brawny is a completely different story.”

Fjord smacks his chest in mock outrage as Caleb passes him and Caleb actually laughs, low and under his breath but there, clear as day in the silence of the cabin.

“You wound me,” Fjord says, yet gets out a towel for Caleb as well, tossing them toward the bath.

“Don’t worry,” he calls out from the hallway. “I will find you something with a lot of protein.” 

 

 

They’ve bathed, eaten, gotten dressed and are halfway through a game of go by the time company returns.

“So if I place this here...?” Fjord says, setting out a smooth piece of rock on the board.

“You surround my stones, yes. You are getting pretty good at this, I- Oh, hello,” Caleb says, looking to the entrance. Fjord turns to see Caduceus just narrowly avoid hitting his head on the doorframe again.

“Hey, Caduceus, I was thinking. Can we ask you something?” Fjord sets his stones down on the table and turns to him fully.

“Sure,” Caduceus says with a smile. “What’s up?”

“Have you heard Nott or Jester plan something? They’ve been...”

“Weird.” Caleb finishes, Fjord nodding. 

“How do you mean?”

“Honeymoon this, honeymoon that, newlywed talk. I think Nott tried to give me a non-verbal shovel talk before you left and both Beau and Yasha seemed in on it.”

“Wait, really?” Caleb asks, Fjord nodding over his shoulder. 

“They’re just happy for you.”

“Caduceus, great thinking about the wedding stuff but really. We’re not that deep undercover, you don’t need to pretend in here.”

“Pretend?” Caduceus says, eyebrows knit.

“That Fjord and I are married,” Caleb clarifies just as the girls come walking in.

“But you are,” Jester says.

“No?” 

“But… you are.” She says, more resolutely.

“I made you tea. I definitely officiated your wedding ceremony,” Caduceus says, and there’s a sadness in his voice that makes both Fjord and Caleb feel like they’ve done something very, very bad despite not knowing what it’s about.

“Wait,  _ that’s _ what the tea was about?” 

“What else would it have been about? We saw you exchange rings through the window,” Yasha says, pointing to their hands where two metal bands shine from the solitary dancing light illuminating their game, Fjord’s a plain silver and Caleb’s very much alike, only dotted with little specks of some foreign metal glittering like stars here and there. Fjord makes the connection at the same time Caleb does.

“From that necromancer we stopped a week ago. We looked the stuff through and ended up switching.”

“Ja, it made more sense for me to have a ring with long range spells and him to have a ring of that makes him move faster.”

“So you exchanged rings in the dead of night, under the stars?” Beau says like they’re idiots. “They’re even on the right finger for the both of you!”

“It is a ring of shooting stars, it has to be done outside at night,” Caleb explains.

“I give up,” Beau sighs, getting up. 

“I’m too tired and sober for this,” Nott agrees, pushing at Jester who seems deep in thought. “Come on, let’s go to bed.”

 

“So much for some calm,” Fjord sighs. “We’ll have to figure out how to get un-married.”

“I will go check my books,” Caleb agrees, light training after him. Fjord watches as he goes, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“It’s not a divorce the way the law would see it,” Caduceus shrugs. 

“You really thought one of us proposed?”

“I thought you finally got around to it,” Caduceus confirms with a nod. “Besides, the spell only takes hold on people who are willing.”

Something passes through Fjord, a mix of feelings he can’t even begin to name, but he focuses for a split second and finds something to grab onto, the end of a string to pull at to unravel this mess of a ball of yarn.

“What do you mean?”

“The spell. There has to be intent from both sides.  _ Serious  _ intent,” he says with a knowing look. “That’s why I never questioned it. And maybe it’s a sign you and Caleb should at least think about it before nipping it in the bud.”

“I don’t know, I-”

“Nobody should be forced to get married to someone they do not want to be married to,” Yasha says and Fjord spins around, completely having forgotten about her on the sofa. “ _ But _ .”

“But…?”

“I have...  _ seen  _ this spell before.” Her eyes remain trained on the ground, her fingers playing absentmindedly with the shawl around her neck, and it doesn’t take Fjord awareness like Caduceus to see that there’s more to that statement than Yasha is willing to give. “Caduceus is right. It’s not like a business deal, it’s an acknowledgement of what is already there. Makes you stronger together.” She looks up at him. “You and Caleb have been making eachother stronger for a long time.”

“I appreciate your openness,” Fjord says with all the honestly he can possibly muster. Yasha seems to understand and nods. “Caleb and I do help eachother, that is true, but that doesn’t make it a marriage.”

“I’d ask you if that’s what you want for it to be, but we’ve already established that,” Caduceus says gently. “And then I’d ask you what you think Caleb wants, but we’ve already established that as well.” Fjord’s mind blanks.

“ _ Oh _ .”

“There you go,” Caduceus says, reaching over to pat his shoulder. 

“You should at least talk to him,” Yasha agrees. “Make sure you’re both sure.”

“I mean, he’s just out on the deck.”

“I ought to talk to him anyway if it can’t be dispelled,” Fjord says, a little dazed, and gets up, bringing one of the blankets with him.

 

Caduceus sits down by Yasha on the sofa, watching Fjord until they know for sure he’s out of earshot.

“Do you think they’ll figure it out?”

“Jester has promised to cast zone of truth on them if they don’t,” Caduceus shrugs. He pauses, looks at her. “Are you alright? Let me know if it gets too much.”

“I am okay,” Yasha nods. “I will. Thank you.”

“My pleasure,” Caduceus says and hands her a bag of roasted nuts from the market. “I figured we’d need snacks.”

 

“I knew the view would be good but  _ wow _ ,” Fjord says, approaching loud enough that he won’t startle Caleb where he’s perched on the deck. He unfolds the blanket, draping it over both of them as he sits down. They can easily see the entire village, the lights of celebration below.

“I haven’t found anything yet,” Caleb says, flipping through the pages of his by now very familiar spell book.

“Yeah, uh. About that. I spoke to Caduceus.”

“Und?”

“It’s not a legally binding, it’s more spiritual.”

“I figured,” Caleb shrugs. “I’ve been looking at dispelling-”

“It takes mutual intent. And it lasts until one of us dies.”

Caleb blinks, his expression unreadable.

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Oh.” Fjord sits down next to him. “And I don't plan on either of us dying soon, so I have a suggestion.”

“Do tell.” Caleb sounds like he’s still deep into his book, except the book is shut in his lap and Caleb is looking toward him and Fjord takes a deep breath, trusts Caduceus and takes a leap.

“Vandren told me once about these rings, not engagement rings, more like-”

“Promise rings. I know of them,” Caleb says, looking at him hesitantly. He doesn’t say anything else, but neither does he pull away when Fjord takes his hand and transfers the ring to the same finger Vandren had said the promise rings were worn.

“I don’t know about jumping into a marriage, intent or no. But I wouldn’t mind giving this the shot and time it deserves.”

“I am not a good person,” Caleb stutters out. ”Are you sure you want to do this?”

“Neither am I,” Fjord counters. “And yes, I am.”

“You do know we will have to sit out here for an hour until the rings adjust to us again,” Caleb says, gently shifting the ring on Fjord’s fingers as well. 

“I’m trying to be romantic here,” Fjord grumbles in an attempt to hide just how nervous he is.

“I know,” Caleb says, scooting a little closer until they’re nose to nose, then reaches up to give Fjord a quick kiss, warm and soft and over much too quickly. “It’s working.” 


End file.
